St. Patrick’s Cathedral, “What the Constitution Means to Me,” and Stroking $30,000 Fur Coats

So late-night shifts and Broadway shows don’t exactly mesh (like, at all). The evening ones are obviously out, and all the 2 p.m. weekday matinee shows are too long for me to still make it into work on time.

EXCEPT FOR ONE. I realized last night that if I sprinted to the New York Times office afterward, I’d have *just* enough time to see the Wednesday Broadway matinee performance of a 100-minute show running right now, Heidi Schreck’s “What the Constitution Means to Me.” Schreck both wrote and stars in the essentially one-woman show, which started as an Off Broadway production before making the leap to Broadway in March.

After working a late shift last night, I dragged my butt out of bed early this morning to take a train to Midtown and then line up at the Helen Hayes Theater box office before it opened. The verdict: Success! I got the last cheap rush seat of the day (and in the front row!). The guy in line behind me was, umm, not happy. "What do you mean you're sold out of rush seats?!" I cleared out quickly.

After scoring my ticket, I headed uptown to St. Patrick’s Cathedral.

There was a service going on when I arrived, and I walked around the various altars to the saints.

As you can see, the cathedral is rather like Central Park — an elegant structure dropped in the middle of a concrete jungle. The stained-glass windows are gorgeous.

After checking out the cathedral, I walked a few streets over to H&M and the start of my Fifth Avenue shopping adventure. You know you’ve entered serious shopping when you start seeing maps of stores — so many floors full of purses, jackets, and dresses!

From H&M I headed farther up Fifth Avenue to Tiffany’s to ogle some fancy jewelry I couldn’t afford. Check out the famous diamond necklace!

I also popped by Louis Vuitton on my way to Bloomingdale’s, a luxury department store chain that houses designer brands like Gucci, Tory Burch, and Maximilian.

Clearly I wasn’t buying anything in here, but I did stroke this lush $30,000 fur coat! New favorite form of free entertainment (well, until a later development today — see below).

After my Fifth Avenue adventure, I headed downtown to Herald Square and Macy’s, which bills itself as the “world’s largest store.” It’s certainly the largest Macy’s in the world. At 1.1 million square feet, it covers almost an entire New York city block (and has 11 floors).

My new, new favorite form of free entertainment: Playing with the store’s fancy fitting-room mirrors (seen here, captured right at the moment when I realized what the mirror does — insert Toy Story alien “Ooooh” sound effect).

The mirror has buttons to change the lighting for “office,” “outdoors,” “evening,” and more. It’s so much fun and feels like an instant time-lapse adventure (and one I was way too amused by).

After a morning of shopping and churching, I headed back to Broadway for my matinee performance of “What the Constitution Means to Me.”

This isn’t a typical Broadway show — the first half hour or so is Schreck recounting her 15-year-old self’s entry in competitions at American Legion halls across the country to pay for college. Participants competed to deliver a speech interpreting the Constitution and expounding on a personal connection to some element of it. This portion of the play is rapid-fire history, and Schreck delivers one of the best (nearly) solo performances I’ve seen on stage. (A male actor plays an American Legion official, but his role is minor.) Schreck is an upbeat, ebullient, infectiously grinning ball of energy — and she is absolutely hilarious. I often felt like I was at a comedy show rather than a Broadway play!

But the play turns serious when Schreck abandons the guise of her 15-year-old self, removes her blazer, and becomes her 47-year-old (real) self again. The middle portion is where the plays drags a bit. Schreck shares a series of personal stories and delivers a feminist diatribe that spotlights all the ways the Constitution has not been geared toward protecting women, whether with regard to abortion rights or support for women in abusive relationships. She becomes emotional and chokes up at several points — the play clearly hits close to home. But it’s a bit drier when she veers away from the personal to describing battles over amendments and court cases. The whole section is more reminiscent of a late-night monologue/history lesson than a Broadway play. But that’s by no means to say it isn’t an enjoyable one!

The show concludes with a debate between Schreck and a high school senior (who’s also an aspiring lawyer) about whether to keep or abolish the Constitution (a boy from the audience was selected to serve as judge). His choice after listening to both sides? Abolish. I wonder how often that side wins. After the show concludes (right around two hours later; the 100-minute run time is a LIE) everyone leaves with a pocket Constitution, a throwback to grade school.

Tomorrow: Democratic debate night editing #2, and a visit to the Met (another museum I get into free with my NYT badge!).